How can you put words to such events that rip our hearts apart and push us to the limits of our own knowledge of acceptance and understanding?  Ken is one of my very favorite people, and although I have never had the opportunity to meet his sister Kim, I'm sure if she was anything like Ken, she'll be surely missed.  Death is always hardest for the people you leave behind.  For a moment Ken, allow me to lift you and your family to a place of peace and serenity. 

World,

Image on water, waves

Break and it is gone, yet

It was

-Kathleen Raine

Please take a moment and to look at Ken's wonder filled memorial dedication to his sister by clicking on the highlighted "Ken" above.  Take a moment and send out loving and supportive energy to him along with his family.

These are MY words… mine.  I own them.  Sometimes I am selfish with my words and don’t want to share.  I would like to gather all of my words up into my arms, and go into the black with them.  I would open my words gently and carefully, and sit with my words, alone.

I write for me… to sort through and see what is truly important.  I write to work it out, get it out, move it out, move on.  I write to forget.

I write to express.  Words form together creating meaning… and sometimes no meaning, but rather an emotion.

Dig the flesh that creeps my soul.

These are my words, my own.

I love words; I hate words.  I love how they come together and form like a flowing river, traveling to greater bodies, always flowing, in movement… and then sometimes, still.

I hate words because I love words… and I am told to write.  “You’re a good writer.”  “You should be a writer.”  But this is not what I want.  I want to share my words... selectively.

Turn right, turn over, turn around, turn back, turn it in…

Words.  I want to share my words to those who will listen.  What is it that captures souls so that they will listen?  I want to reach deep with my hands through… to souls, and evoke great emotion.  If you’re not willing to listen, I don’t want to share my words.  You must take time and read my words… slow.

I want to give… I want to lighten your load with my words.  I want to give you my words that will lift you and carry you, even for just a moment.  Life is hard enough.  Let me support you, and offer understanding, compassion and love.  Let our souls engage and become one… If just for a moment.

My words are true.  When I say “I think that we’re having problems” what I MEAN is… “I think that we’re having problems- nothing more, nothing attached- This does not mean “I am leaving you.”

And then sometimes… I simply want my words to vanish- go away- retreat.  I want the spinning and spinning of words to stop, and then clear.  An empty page, a clear mind, another moment in pure simplicity- pure as light- I want to sit in silence. 

I just have time for a quickie tonight.  But it's been awhile since my last post, and I have dropped off the face of the web with many e-mails to those of you out there listening.  The last month and a half has gone from busy, busy to almost insane.  For starters, yes I have been in school pretty much full-time this summer.  I'm taking four classes total.  Well, I just didn't realize just HOW much that actually is.  Summer classes are condensed.  I understood that, but I just didn't "understand" what that meant.  What that means is that I have been studying and or painting my ass off.  To make matters more exciting, I got the most recent blood test back and I'm still not "well."  I'm getting better, yes, but I'm not there yet.  No wonder I'm not feeling so great on top of it.  The MOST exciting part of this is that my new doctor is moving out of state this coming August 18th.  Well, that is her last day working at the clinic... which I have a scheduled appointment for.  This is also the day of my last two finals.  Mind you, I have a NEW handful of scheduled test and retest, we're talking medical here, between now and then.  AND my father has fllown into town for the next two weeks.  He's camped out on the couch for a while until things start to calm the $*@% down.  Am I not allowed to say that?  Why in the world did that turn blue?  Anyhow... There you have it and this is why I have been "away."  I'm still here and anxious to show you my new paintings.  I am thinking of you all and missing you!!!  I just have to get through the next... well now I guess it's a week and 1/2.  Or actually HOLY $%*#!!!  I ONLY HAVE ONE WEEK LEFT!!!  OMG...  Ok, I can do this... 

And once I do, we get to go to the rodeo for the day!!! YEEEE HAAWWWWW!!!!!

...Was it good for you? 

(Did I mention that John and I almost bought a new house this past weekend on top of it all?!?  This MUST be a new form of suicide.)

These are the words sent to me today from my Aunt Margie...

I miss and love you!

This is a drawing I did my first semester at PNCA.  It was for a black and white composition class.  The assignments for this class were very loose, and this weeks assignment was Halloween.  I had started this fifty's housewife theme dealing with my issues about "being a housewife" in this class.  This is what I came up with.  I think that it's kinda funny... and yes I still adore my husband and being married!