This is where you can find me. 

Time has always been one of those things that I struggle with.  I just don't "get it."  And as something that we have created that doesn't actually exist... I can understand why I don't get it.  Simply because it doesn't exist.  John on the other hand is someone who works well within the bounds of time.  He needs it to see where he's at and what to expect next.  He asks me, "How long do you think this will take you?"  And I usually answer, "?"  Luckily he has learned to be patient with me and grasp my own workings of where I fit into time.  Meaning... he has been around me long enough to answer his own question.

What confuses me is that some days an hour can feel like three and at others it's just a blip of an idea.  So really... how can you really tell?  Today I got a lot more done in an hour than yesterday.  Tomorrow, I don't know.  But yes, I know... it's one of those things that I need to accept and place the box around myself to fit into and work within our present society.  I've learned to give myself ample "time" to get anywhere and then some which results in a small gift of leftovers for me.  Yummy!

So once again time has passed and I am once again late with my updates.  I've gone through the struggle again of what to put up here, how much to reveal, conflicts with self and ego saying "why are you doing this?" Blah, blah, uninteresting.  Where's the dirt?!?

Actually there's a lot to tell which all involves time.  You see, we are presently four months into the New Year, blessed 2008.  Three months past, one month happening.  And during these few precious moments where I can sit still with myself, I go within and look.  "Where am I?  Where am I going?  Where have I been?"

Two years have passed since I first became ill.  I am still struggling with that.

A year has passed since we moved into the house... yes, more struggling.

All this avoided struggling, meaning I don't want to look at it. 

"What You Resist Persists.  What You Look at Disappears."

You cannot resist something to which you grant no reality. The act of resisting a thing is the act of granting it life. When you resist an energy, you place it there. The more you resist, the more you make it real - whatever it is you are resisting.

What you open your eyes and look at disappears, that is, it ceases to hold its illusory form.

If you look at something - truly look at it - you will see right through it, and right through any illusion it holds for you, leaving nothing but ultimate reality in your sight. In the face of ultimate reality your puny illusion has no power. It cannot long hold you in its weakening grip. You see the truth of it, and the truth sets you free.

~Neal Donald Walsh

Interesting enough.  Maybe it's time to look at things a little differently.

Time passes, and at moments it feels as though it's a constant tide ebbing in flow.  Along with the ocean rising falling, coming in receding, but remaining as it is... the ocean.  

And then I begin to look a little closer.  "What is this??"  I begin to see the inevitable change which is the one constant in life.  My life has begun to change.  The process has begun.  Ideas, formed into concepts by words, formed into fruition by action.  Life is once again evolving.

And so I want to share with you that John and I have begun another company, Diesel Web Productions.  And I find that I am spending more and more time behind my desk in my room, my small space in the world that is through and through me.  We are currently working with our first clients and are currently talking with others in hopes of building new relationships.  Our firsts client's site is scheduled to launch come May 1st here. It has been simply put... good.  An amazing occurrence that more or less came about with its own energy and driving source.  I am filled with excitement to just see where this road is leading.  Every day feels like Christmas.

I feel as though for the first time in my life, I am beginning to create the life that I want.  I am becoming the person that I want to be.  And this in itself feels amazing.  I mean really... who would have thought that we actually have this option and these choices?  But we all do.  We all can choose to live the life’s we desire.  And through this, by expressing the selves that we choose to be, we find happiness, abundance and a connection with something much larger than we are.

Who is it that I want to be?

When I was younger, I used to say things to myself such as "I want to live a creative life.  I want to affect people at large.  I want to live my life in simple protest, to be an example of sorts, of love.  I want my life to be my work."  And strangely enough... these words are forming into ways and truth.

I am currently working hard at writing this book.  I have joined a wonderful group of women writers to help motivate me and keep my task at hand. 

I am a graphic designer, taking my artistic abilities and passion for good design producing things that make my heart sing.

I am on a board with the city helping to divert troubled youth back and to help them achieve their goals.

I am a loving wife and friend to oh so many wonderful creatures which share space with us.

I am a friend, to so many wonder filled souls out there that have opened their hearts to me as I have them.

And this is just the tip of my own abundance. 

And with all of this which fill my hands as I gently hold this abundance and smile down on with such gratitude... I am filled with happiness. 

And I say, can it possible get any better than this?

I've been taking an on-line writing class recently to motivate and hopefully inspire and build confidence in myself to move further along with this writing thing that I've somehow stumbled onto over the past year.  Our most recent assignment was to take an important photograph, look at it for awhile and then write a "photo essay" showing the picture through words.  This is what I've come up with and a small glimps into something much, much bigger.  

It was Thanksgiving Day and Aunt Margie, my cousin Little Becky (although fourteen years older than myself) and I were taking a much needed break from tearing down and boxing up the remains of my aunt's life. Aunt Becky had passed several weeks prior to our coming together, in more ways than one, in so-called "sunny Los Angeles, California."  This particular day, we had come to share and visit Becky's home where she had lived most of her time in LA prior to the earthquake, and were retracing her steps and life through Santa Monica to give thanks and to say goodbye.

CLICK.
Photo captures moment. Still; At rest. As if by magic or some sort of voodoo. There are cultures that believe that a photograph captures a part of one's soul.

Holding a cup of Starbucks coffee, I am perched in one of the many winding and twisting trees which line the park blocks along Ocean Ave. The only color that I am wearing besides the simple black pants, jacket and white shirt is the long leopard print scarf holding back my short hair which is in that horrible growing out stage. My expression, soul captured, reveals my loss, but the forced smile is for the sake of memory.

This particular tree has a name. It's called "My Favorite Tree."

A young girl of the age of seven gave the tree its rightful name twenty years prior during a summer visit from an exhausted father raising his child alone. This was a much needed break for him, and the beginnings of an education of "the finer things in life" for me, even if my understanding reached only as far as the kumquat tree which bore a single fruit each morning on my aunt's balcony overlooking the ocean. The seed was still planted.

Aunt Becky, Uncle Lyle and I would walk along these park blocks which were sandwiched in between Ocean Ave. and the incredibly steep cliff leading down to the ocean every single day. We would walk, and stop… and they would wait as I climbed every tree worthy, every fixed statue or feature, every new challenge and every new discovery. Years would pass before I fully understood the gift that they gave to me of love and patience. Several more years would slip away and my father would still answer the phone with an enthusiastic, "Hi Monkey!"

Twenty years had passed, along with both my aunt and uncle and here I was again. I had just walked out of my job prior to my trip to LA and more or less walked out of my entire life. Unfocused and depressed (labeled as manic by my therapist who dropped my like a piece of plastic off of the conveyor belt of life,) the seedling planted swayed unstably, wanting more. Wanting nourishment, roots, and firm ground. Yet, not knowing how or where to find these things. Little did I know the transformation that was already happening. Little did I know, that at that moment, I was right there... where I was supposed to be.

John and I did one of our favorite things this past weekend.  We went to the PUMPKIN PATCH!!!  This has become an annual event that we never ever miss.  We always pay a visit to Kruger's Farm.

If you look real close, you might notice that we both have a little newly enhanced facial jewlery which I have failed to mention at any earlier post.  We're trying to keep it real in suburbia land and hold onto our "individuality" and youth plucking out one grey hair at a time.  It's kinda like finding Waldo... can you see it?!?  NO THOSE ARE NOT PIMPLES!  They're sparkles...

This year we took two of the babies with us.  That's Prada Doe Trinket and Pucci Sashimi our little chi chi's.  And as I told Diana, no not my boobies, our little chihuahua's.  They had a blast taking a hayride, searching for the perfect pumpkin...

or pumpkins.  This is our pile of pumpkins!!!  I LOVE PUMPKIN!!!  We never really understand those who go and buy just one pumpkin.  I mean really... what's with just one?!?

Prada and crazed excited mama still getting over being sick.  The pumpkin patch is a good therapy for any illness indeed.

Can I go pee pee on a pumpkin pleeeeeease?!?

Kruger's Farm

Riding back.

Pumpkin Glory!

Do you see that we were "BOO'D" this year? and if you look real close, you'll see Pucci looking out the window at his perch.

It's a smaller porch that our old house, but we still managed to fit it all in.

and spread the pumpkin love throughout the yard.

And so once again, I'm doing a little bit of back blogging... 

John and I were host to a house filled with exceptional food, great energy, an abundance of love and amazing people in celebration of Ty and Bernie getting married.  This actually happened July 8th, but because of many worthless excuses and frustrations with downloading photos, it's not until today that I am actually sharing this all with you.

This reception was by far the best party that I ever helped participate in throwing.  I say helped because it was the four of us, Ty, Bernie, John and myself that actually put the entire extravaganza together.  I had spent the prior week starting the day we arrived back from the wedding planning (and shopping for) the insides and outs like decorations, the cake, and other fundamentals while Ty planned the food.  We spent much of Saturday buying and prepping the food which went into the wee hours of the night.  The next day we were ready to celebrate.  We even had our friend Matt DJ the event which just put it that much over the top.  You could hear the sounds at least half way down the block or even further.  I wouldn't exactly know because I was in the midst of having way too much fun.  (and drinking a little too much of that awesome ass whooping lemonade I made!)  A couple of neighbors even stopped by, and to their approval they declared that we really knew how to throw a party... along with the recommendation to throw another one soon.

Ty and Bernie

The entry way

The food and cake

The cutting of the cake and the shoving it in...

I LOVE to hula~~

You go GIRL!!! (I mean man)

The Circle of Love (much later into the evening)

Me and the great J Messner

Sneakin' in some love behind the balloons

Happily Ever After!

This particular event, the planning of, the creating of and even the prep the night before tops my life as one of my very best moments ever!  Our house was filled with such awesomeness that I can honestly say we've broken in our home and that the remnants of that great energy are still felt throughout today.  Thank you to everyone who came and participated, especially in the hula and limbo.  I mean really!  What's a wedding reception without hula hoops?!? 

And as always... Ty and Bernie!  I love you!!!

Thanks to John who took all of the pictures while I was too busy with the hula girls.  Unfortunately though, I don't have any with him in it.  WAIT!!! I think that there is actually ONE!!!

I love you honey!

And so I'm doing a little bit of back blogging because this past handful of weeks have been like a whirlwind of events and emotions all leading to this point.  So is the way of John and my life.  We have a little further to push on and then there should be a chunk of a break until the next set of events come to play.

Mid-June John's father came to town for a week's visit.  It's always good to have family visit, especially when you have a new house to show off that includes a spare room.  It was mostly a relaxing trip for all of us, but there were a few fun excursions as well.

We took dad on a father's day champagne brunch cruise down the Willamette.

Something John and I both really enjoy.

...and while he was in town, John and I bought two new scooters to zip around Happy Valley on.  Pictures will come of these.  All I can say is that mine is PINK and VERY VERY CUTE!!!  Although there is a "Stella" Vespa out there, I can't help but believe that her name is Stella.  PINK, GO FIGURE!  We've only had the chance to take them out twice since we got them, but I seem to be a natural.  John had me on it and told me to just give it a little gas with the brake still on to "get the feel."  Well, a single minute after I "got the feel," I let go and was cruising all over the neighborhood!!! 

The next very exciting thing happened this past Friday.  John and I woke up at 2:30 am to catch a plane to Denver.  TY AND BERNADETTE GOT MARRIED!!!  They finally did it!!!  And we were fortunate enough to be there to help celebrate!!!

The Happy Couple!!!

Over the past four years, Ty and Bernie have become not only John's best friends, but mine as well.  Words just can't measure up to how incredibly much these two mean to me.  When you try to describe what the phrase "good people" means, Ty and Bernie are the one's that quickly come to mind.  As I said during my part of the toast, "I have never felt anyone has been more kind, more accepting and more understanding than by these two."  I love you both oodles and oodles!!! 

BFF FOREVER!!!

and so I wish Ty and Bernie all of the goodness, love and happiness in abundance that life can bring.  Congratulations to you both!  And yes, after a two year engadgement... it's about time.  We've ALL been waiting for this.  :)

John and I arrived back in P-town that same day a little after midnight after a quick stop in both Phoenix and San Francisco.  One day, four planes, four city's, one wedding.  Unfortunately we only got Starbuck's mugs from Denver.  (We collect Starbuck's mugs from each city we visit.)  With a little recoup time, we are now onto phase two.  The reception which John and I are hosting this weekend! 

Bachelorette parties are a heck of a lot of fun!!!

or maybe it's just celebrating one of my very favorite people.

This is Bernie (Bernadette) who you have met before. 

She's getting married this coming Friday and oh boy is it ever so exciting!!!

That boy (man) she's marrying is another of my absolute favorites.

Whatever the case, posting this is quite a challenge after drinking the pink stuff.

It's been almost four weeks since I brought our new baby, newly named KoKo Kimono, into our home and hearts.  (Thank you once again honey...)  I have to say that THIS has been the most stressful, challenging baby yet, but I tend to forget Ringu with his ringworm which traveled throughout a few of the others or Duckie (we love and miss you honey!) and her panicked expressions followed by the muted meow when we walked in the door from a long day at work.  I would carry her down to the litter box (holding her little behind... just in case) where she could finally unleash what she had been holding for way too long.  Everyday... These were two bad cases...  There have been many more which we have all gotten through somehow... together. 

Most of our cats have at one point shared the common respiratory infection just like the dogs have all shared the kennel cough from the new baby, whoever it happened to be at the time, in our lives.  Ko Ko though, was bad off.  Bad off to the point that I truly believe that if I hadn't had gone down to the Humane Society that day, she would have been quickly passed by.  "The first thing that she needs is to get out of here."  These words still ring in my ears.  They just don't have the time or resources to take care of each individual animal like they need to be taken care of.  Especially one's like this... 

I brought her home and set her up in our "gym" / "someday nursery."  It's a small room next to our bedroom which has not been completely unpacked / set-up yet.  This room turned into KoKo's room for the following two weeks, something that we have not done with any of our new animals.  Separating them that is.  Usually both John AND I are too excited and bring the baby to bed with us to snuggle hopefully by our heads and purr throughout the nights in our ears.  Yes, he loves them as much as I do although he won't readily admit to it as quickly as I am willing. 

The first couple of days KoKo would not eat or drink a thing.  She literally wouldn't move.  She would even pee on her made up little bed and remain there until it I came to wash the blanket...yet again.  I had even made three batches of homemade chicken broth and nothing.  I believe the second day she ate a little on her own, but she quickly reverted back to a frozen state of panic.  And so did I...

By Saturday, I remembered BABY FOOD is good for a kitten..  NOTE: ANYTHING (chicken, beef) WITHOUT ONION.  Onion is really bad for both cats and dogs bellies.  And so John and I trekked off to Safeway to stock supplies.  That night I began to force feed her small amounts of baby food and continued the water with the eye dropper.  She was finally eating.  Or at least getting food to her malnourished and concaved belly.  

I took her to Banfield, The Pet Hospital, who know us like family, the following Monday.  She was surprisingly curious and active.  We got her set up with fluids under her skin, antibiotics, nose drops, eye cream... basically the works.  An enormous bill later and a paper bag filled with more supplies, Ko Ko and I were back in the car (Edie) headed home. 

A few days later she started to respond to the med's, and we had established the routine of her going to her little round leopard print bed when I came in where I would hand feed her around four times, a day along with the meds twice a day.  Water and love many many more.  During this time with her as well, I handled her a lot.  Not gently, but not quite roughly.  A nice mix in-between, but I was attempting to get this little wildcat used to being touched while she still didn't have the energy to fight.  That while trying to move her around and loosen up the phlegm lodged throughout her respiratory system. 

KoKo Kimono

A week later after having some food in her belly, in addition to our feeding sessions she started to eat the food left for her in the room on her own.  I stopped force feeding her and began giving her the wet food (treats) on a plate which she quickly devoured.

That same week later she pee'd in the liter box, and the next day she finally pooped!  OMG, I have NEVER been so happy to see POOP in my life!  Imagine having a cat for over a week and NO POOP!  Yes honey, " a dream come true..."  (ha ha, not so funny.) 

Every day was a small milestone.  "HONEY!!! SHE PURRED TODAY!"  That was a big one.  Every day was also a patient challenge.

A little over a week ago, when she was finally eating on her own and breathing through her nose, we let her into the world of what we call home.  Four dogs, eight cats, two cockatiel, a few aquarium and two big people persons.

Today... she's doing great!  She still has a few sneezes, but she's eating and maintaining pretty much on her own.  The dogs have accepted her first, of course (They always do.) and today I just saw Mochi MoMo trying to encourage play with her and an empty box which was a incredible sign!  It's so sad and heart breaking when she goes to love on "her kind" and reaches out in excited enthusiasm and they just hissssss in response.  But the hisses are dying down and acceptance is settling in with understanding that she's here to stay and also with me explaining to each of them, "Look, I brought you home one day not long ago as well."   

I wasn't sure if she was going to stay with us.  My main priority was the get her OUT of the shelter and healthy.  I would deal with finding her the right home when the time came.  The people at the shelter along with the papers that came with her kept stressing "She needs a quiet home."  THIS is most definitely NOT a quiet home.  I say this as I lay in bed with the only noise being the quiet breathing of my sleeping husband beside me.  And although I only believe that half heartedly, you can never be sure how animals will turn or mesh.  But it turns out that she is staying.  She seems HAPPY here.  She's still timid at times.  We're still building trust and confidence, but when she stretches out on the red sofa and rolls around, it just looks as though she's saying to herself, "This IS the life!" like I would tell her every day... "KoKo, you deserve to be happy.  You deserve to have a good life.  You deserve to FEEL GOOD."  And you know, I think that she actually believes it!!!         

Thanks go out to Melissa, one of my sweet loves for asking and for owning the big heart of caring too much too!  I love you!!!

Another quick update!!!  Little found a new home!!!  We are both OVERJOYED at this and big love and beating hearts go out to the one's who have given this sweet, sweet, so so smart cat a new life!!!

And my boy watching it all by my side

And so I feel the need to share a little of myself, a little more than usual with you.  You all know by now that I love animlas, and I absolutely love cats and kittens.  Well, yesterday I went to the humane society to pick up yet another kitten. 

I am so going to be in trouble when my dad reads this...  Almost 34 and I still get in trouble.

I need to first let you know that within the past four months John and I had to let go of two of our cats.  This was most difficult for both of us, but a conclusion and decision that we had to make.  We made the first decision at the beginning of the year with one of my oldest cats "Little" aka Bamboo Chicken Noodle.  If I were to tell you the amazing things about this cat, you wouldn't believe, but over the past couple years something with him turned and he not only began to spray EVERYWHERE in the house, but also began to terrorize some of the other cats.  We made the decision before we found this new house to find a new home for him, and it seemed as though this decision fell into place with us finding the house.  Little was not happy with us anymore and we needed to understand, respect and honor that.  I did the best that I could for him, and now it was time for him to find somewhere where he could be happy.  Unfortunately, this story doen't end happily ever after.  He was adopted and then returned after a month back to the Humane Society.  I am putting good energy out to the universe that he finds that loving home that he so needs and deserves.

We let Tinkie go about a month ago.  He was peeing on the heating vents in the new house and other various places.  Let's just say that when the heat did actually go on, I wasn't all that excited about the odor it gave off.  This encouraged other cats to pee where he did as well.  Tink also started terrorizing the other cats.  This story ended happily because Tink was adopted within two days. 

Something happened with Little that affected many of our cats.  Competition started, a hierarchy developed and our house was literally being destroyed.  We couldn't keep up.  The pee is one thing, but keeping everyone safe and happy is another.  With so many animals, it's important to keep and maintain a working, healthy and happy environment for us and all of them.  This, unfortunately, is not always possible. 

It was hard.  I cried. I nearly vomit.  I still obsessed and checked on them daily through the web.  

Things have balanced out at home for the most part.  We still have a couple problems yet to be completely solved.  Little has left his mark (in more ways than one) and we are still seeing affects of it.  But at least I have become an expert at removing pee even from heating vents.    

We were down to seven and I put it out there.  Tell me that The Secret doesn't work.  I told John, the only way that I would get another cat is if I found a siamese kitten.  We already established no more males, so it had to be a female.  And then I found her...

I didn't expect it to be so soon, but as the secret explains, the universe doesn't comprehend time.  I found her on the Humane Society Website.  She looked horriblely pathetic and my heart ached for her.  

I continued to go back to the site to see if Little was adopted yet, and to check on this kitten and yesterday they had a new picture of her. 

And you see... I had to go and get her.  I knew that she needed out of there.  NOW.  And so John and I shared words back and forth, and finally after agreeing to sign a contract with him about no more pets, I went. 

When I got there I couldn't find her.  I found someone and said "Where's Reeses?"  That's what they called her.

The girl set me up in a room and went to find her.  She was put "away" because of the condition she was in.  She's was one sick little baby, completely stressed out and hid behind the bench in the small room with her eyes running like faucets, her nose dripping continuously and fur coming off of her every which way.  She hissed when I tried to touch her.  She hissed when I looked at her.  She dripped from everywhere, threw fur into the air like a wind storm was hitting her and hissed all the while.  I sat there quietly in the room on the cold floor with her behind the bench until the girl came in again.  And we talked...

This kitty was found a stray and brought in covered with fleas.  On top of a new environment of a cold metal box for a home, they threw her into an operation to spay her.  She was so absolutely stressed out that she has made herself sick.  The lady said to me, "The first thing this cat needs is to get out of this place."  I instantly responded "I know this.  That's why I'm here."  More than an hour later after questioning because of our other cats that we let go, I took her home.  I simply said, "Look, I try my best to give these guys a good home.  I'd take them all if I could.  Sometimes it just doesn't work out."

So I brought the little one home and set her up in our "to be gym and someday nursery."  She wouldn't eat or drink.  She just curled up in a ball frozen. 

Now the one thing that I need for you to know is that I wasn't all excited about a new kitty like you may expect.  In fact it's the exact opposite.  I am and was completely stressed out by it.  Just as things are starting to settle for John and I, I find this kitten and this kitten is going to take and lot of patience and work.  I know how to do this.  I'm very good at this, I know, but I get all wierd and fuzzy headed during the first couple of days with it.  Sometimes even weeks.  And when one stress comes out, all of the maintained stresses emerge sending me into fits which eventual lead to me lashing out at my husband because Ami took my straw while I was getting ready for bed (again) and he just sat there reading and let it happen totally oblivious.  (Sorry honey...) I was in the wrong, I know, and I apologized shortly after.  

Day two...

We had given her a little pain medication left over from Iki's operation (she was spayed) to help her sleep the night before.  I think that it helped.  Her eyes weren't running as much and her nose had stopped dripping.  There is still obvious congestion, but we are hoping for the best. And she still hissed at first when I tried to touch her.  I made a new batch of chicken soup / broth because John unknowingly discarded the batch I made the day before.  I am now feeding the kitten by eye dropper because she will not move from the safe space I created for her and will not eat on her own.  She has even pee'd in her bed which is understandable and acceptable with her being so stressed out.  Throughout the day I go into her room and touch her, hold her and massage her in attempts to help break up the mucus.  I ignore the hissing at first touch.  I wipe her eyes and nose and feed her by eyedropper.  By late afternoon she starts to respond a little and is accepting the water more freely.  By late afternoon she goes from a tense stance to stretching her legs out a bit, still tense, but laying down beside me.  This evening... I gave her more water and she got up on her own and went to the food dish and sniffed.  I went to get her some wetfood.  When I came back I saw that she was eatting some of the chicken that I had made earlier.  I gave her the wetfood which she ate with me there, and the she went to the water and drank heavily on her own.  I fixed her bed up for her, and she again went to her safe space.  

I am so freaking happy with the huge amount of progress made today.  I am so happy and proud.

And I wanted to share. 

I want to cry... 

I want to cry because this is so difficult for me.  It is so hard sometimes, and the pain in my chest tonight is tight and heavy.  I want to cry for this new baby of ours.  I want to cry for Little who I spent time with while I waited for them to make their decisions and judgements about me.  I want to cry for all of the cats that I spent too much time with while circling the area who looked unhealthy and scared or hopeful that I was the one or those that didn't want to be bothered or touched at all.  I've been told my entire life that I can't save the world.  But maybe, just maybe I can help one... yes, one at a time.

I want to share with you because you all hear about the joys of us getting a new friend, but I don't think that you know or understand the painstakingly, heart breaking amounts of love and patience given out at times to these little creatures to help them survive and thrive.  Most people want a pet like they go and buy a new toy.  People want pets to entertain THEM.  I find the ones, those particular ones and give them a chance.  I find the problem babies that hiss and take fits and growl because they're under fed or sick and I spend time with them.   I help build their confidence.  I help heal them and give them a safe space to be who and what they are.  I don't expect them to be perfect little beings and abide by all my rules.  Yes, there are some rules...  But I do expect them to be allowed to be whoever they are and whatever that is, that ok. 

So this new precious little ball of fur is going to take a lot of time and patience.  She sick and she's oh so afraid.  But just like people, she just needs a little time, acceptance and most importantly... love.

I love you baby girl...  As my heart breaks again and again, I love you.      

It's been a little over two months since John and I have moved into our new home.  There have been an amazing amounts of both ups and downs since we got the keys, including things like overflowing toilets which included corn that was not ours and the lack of consistent heat, but I am happy to say that things are starting to settle in... and down which makes me a very happy girl.  We are finding that humm of routine, and a life that we both crave.  I know that I love stability, but I was reminded again and again just how much this is true with the chaos that spread throughout our lives during past several weeks.  What am I talking about... it's been months!!!  I have been asked a few times how the house is, and how things are going, so I am painstakingly trying to upload this abundance of photos to share our home that both John and I are loving more and more each day with you.  I can only say that it seems to be a perfect fit!

This is our entry way.  It's a grand entrance indeed.  That's Honsuit, my oldest friend.  Off to the left is a little nook and powder room.

This is the nook.

me in the powder room.  It's too hard to get a good picture in here, but it's beautiful.

Other side of entry way.  This is actually the Library.

Entry way, hallway... with a wonderful chandelier high up above.

Entry way walking in and Pucci wondering what I'm doing.  You walk straight back to the eating area which opens to the kitchen and den.  Can we all just take a moment and say "Heated floors?!?"  Yes, the tiles are heated.

When entering the house to your left across from the powder room is the "living room / library."  We're holding off for furniture, although it is picked out, until we sell our other house.

Beside the library is the dining room which we are also holding out for furniture until the house sells.  So we have two virtually empty rooms.  Something to look forward to.  That doorway leads to the butlers pantry which is my favorite room in the house!  A BUTLERS PANTRY, C'MON!  Fully stocked of course.

The butler's pantry leads into the kitchen, of course.

And I DO LOVE this KITCHEN!  Both John and I LOVE to cook, and that we do!  Did you know that I am a REALLY good cook?  I didn't until I moved in with John.  Who would have known?

This view is from the kitchen.  Sitting area and den. 

Look at the built in fireplace and woodwork!  That little hallway is a seating area from the garage and leads to John's beautiful office.

Last night John and I worked a little in the back yard.  This is one of my FAVORITE places, and the one place I know where to sit and relax.  By the outdoor fireplace.  We're sloooooowly planning our own miniature Japanese garden in the back.  Our old house had a beautiful one!!!

Where we will spend summer nights sipping on red wine.  And eventually built out what leads past that door to an entire living space for guest. 

This is John's victory.  The fire hydrant.  Why might you ask do we have this?  Well, because we have four dogs, of course.  This is the dog run on the side of the house.  Check out John's site and see his pride.

I should also make note of the AWESOME fence we had installed by Arnie, a wonderful, wonderful man from Campbell Fence Co.Inc.  If you're in town and need a fence, THIS is the company and man you want!  And the rocks are from Smith Rock, another amazing place that we've found.  They have more rocks and types than you could imagine.  Made all my creative jucies flow over.

So yes, things are coming along, slow by slow like Grandma Boyda used to say.  I'm actually happy and surprised that we have come this far already.  There have been changes made even since I took these photographs, but this at least gives you an idea as to what I've been up to.  I love my home.  I walk around sometimes and just say, "I love this." to whatever it is that I'm looking at at that particular moment.  All of our animals friends are slowly settling in as well.  Here's a few happy ones...

Now THAT's one happy dog!

Iki love.  Resting from her little operation.

Nikko's.

Ringu's new favorite spot.

And this is just downstairs.  I'll have to find a little more time (and patience) next week to fill in the rest.  And now can you see WHY we HAD to buy this house?!?  I haven't even shown you the fireplace that goes between both our bedroom and the bathroom yet!  xoxoxo.

Off for a coffee...

This past Friday was an exceptionally beautiful day.  The sun was shining.  I was in my room/ studio unpacking, listening and dancing around to Dessy Dekker while sipping on my cup of coffee.  Life was good.  Really good...

...And then I sat down at my computer.  Simultaneously, my husband John and one of my closest friends in the world Shawn IM'd me.  (Daddy, IM is when I talk to you on the computer and say "Hi Daddy!" and then you call me on the phone.  Also known as "Instant Messaging")  Well while Shawn sends me the little kiss symbol to say hello, John is telling me that the owner of his company is telling him to go home, hit the road, get out and get some sun for Christ Sakes!  As a side note, I should mention that John has recently been working extra hard putting in nearly sixty hours over the past couple of weeks.  Some demo that they needed to get out.  I have to admit that I didn't handle it very well.  Yes, I admit.  I missed my hubby.  Anyways, I'm sitting here, looking out my very big window and my sweet man is coming home, and there is sun, and I am border line manic happy, and Shawn is there asking how I am, and is only three hours away up in Seattle... and I see the piece falling in place.  We're going to head to Seattle.  We're going to drive, in the sun, and be free of worry of paying two mortgages, and unpacking, and pee pee.  We're going to have some FUN!  Another side note... I LOVE FUN!  Even if it's just going to the mall to eat a pretzel or something dumb like that.  FUN!  Growing up, my father used to say, "All you want to do is have fun!"  And I now say, "What's wrong with that?!?" 

So a few hours later, John and I are in the car (Edie) headed north, and it' so nice just to be there together enjoying our shared goofiness.  I brought Dessy with us and am literally BOUNCING to the run-ba-la lup ba's because those are the only word's that I can make out at times. 

We arrive in Seattle to Shawn and Chrissy's new house (Congrat's guys!) and it is so stinking adorable!  I'm really excited to see how it comes together for them.  They already have plans to tear the kitchen apart.  AND THEY MOVED IN AROUND THE SAME TIME AS US!  Talk about go getters.  Movers and shakers of their new home. 

Shortly after we arrived, the four of us head to a seafood restaurant that we haven't been to yet.  No I don't know the name of it or where it was.  Somewhere where the boats from Deadliest Catch rest.  Whatever the case, it was something new for us.  And something new means FUN!  By time we arrive, I start to crash.  All of that energy I exuded getting there is fading to fumes. 

We sit, we talk, we eat good food, and then I bring up the idea of catching a movie.  Why not right?  It's not a school night.  And Chrissy says, "Well, we'll have to get a newspaper or find a stranger."  A little time passes and John asks, "Now wait a minute.  I understand HOW a newspaper will help us, but how is a stranger going to help us?" (...we all look at each other) John not realizing that the local paper there is called The Stranger. 

What was so funny to me was that I was a little confused at first as well.  But for whatever reason, I though to myself, "Well yes of course, a stranger will know how to help us." until I remembered. 

We didn't end up going to a movie.  We didn't get a newspaper or find a stranger walking by or the newspaper to help us.  We went back to their home and crashed. 

John and I woke up early the next day, grabbed a cup of good coffee from my favorite coffeeshop (Uptown Coffee) and headed home to the chaos that awaited us.  We laughed about The Stranger incident the entire way home.  As a matter of fact, we're still laughing.

This is me-nikk!

To my biggest love and the most important person in my life!

Tink and Iki

My sweet angel kitten Iki

Ringu love